Jasonnnnn

The other day one of my students was sitting up near the front of the class copying a map off the whiteboard.  The girls behind him started whining “Jasssooonnnn!  Your head is in the WAY!  We CAN’T see over you!”  So he slouches down in the seat so that he is low enough for them to see around him but high enough that he can still draw on his own map and gets this self conscious look on his face while he mumbles, “Now I look stupid…”  The kind hearted teacher in me forgot for a moment that all of these kids are hoodlums out to party and destroy so I said to him “No Jason!  You look like a G slouched in his ride!”

First off – let’s just address how STUPID that statement would be in ANY context.  My intellect must have fallen to match the class average.

Secondly – his reaction immediately reminded me why I avoid trying to seem relevant to the students.

He sits up INSTANTLY and says loudly, turning to anyone who’ll listen “YO!  Teacher just called me G!  Did you hear that?!  She called me G!  Hey will you announce that to the whole class?  Will you tell everyone?  That’s TWO teachers today that have said I’m cool!”  I had to actively keep myself from slapping my hand to my forehead.

This story ends with the whiny girls whose vision has once again been obstructed, “Jaaassonnnnnnnn…”

Bills, bills, bills

You trifilin' - good for nothin' type of brother.
Silly me. Why haven't I found another?

Fire Alarms and Giant Boobs

It’s Tuesday afternoon and already our school week has been nuts.  Yesterday we got to school and nearly the ENTIRE school building had graffiti all over it.  Some nice photos of the vice principals with giant penises and our principal with giant boobs and a giant ass.  My SA’s name was misspelled next to some other kind words said about him and a few other teachers – all brilliantly clever sayings of course like “Mr. P is a d***,” and “Mrs. R sucks c***.” – you know, things no one has ever said about anyone ever before.

THEN!  Today!  Someone intentionally pulled the fire alarm causing mass panic and chaos (especially since my teacher had kindly NOT informed me of fire drill procedure so I was scrambling AND my FA was in observing – awesome).  It was freezing death outside and when we got back it took much wrangling and stern stares to get the class back in order.   Now I’m exhausted and voiceless.  Time to plan.

Success!

I would just like to document that today, at 9:14, a student (not in my class) called me hip!  Though he was commenting on my "pants" and I'm most definitely wearing a dress today...but we'll overlook that part.

"Transsexual"

Highlight of the Day #1 – I used the word “transsexual” as a joke today in class with my grade 10s and S4 (see yesterdays post) asked me what that was and I attempted to describe it to him without using the “p” or “v” word, stumbled awkwardly through the sentence before realizing that I probably shouldn’t be talking to him about that at all (unprofessional and all that).  Why was I using that word in a joke?  Not entirely sure but I think it had something to do with the guy who invented the Blackberry.

HOTD #2 – As I was leaving school I saw 12 GIRLS wearing Ugg boots on ONE street corner.  I can’t wait for spring – if only because it means I’ll be seeing a lot less of those hideous boots.

HOTD #3 - I used the phrase “thug life” to describe a monarch during the English Civil War which prompted one of my students to raise his hand and ask “Does that mean that they had weed back then?” 

I’m noticing a pattern in my stories…they typically start with me accidentally saying something wildly inappropriate in the classroom and then my students responding with equally inappropriate questions or comments.  There are two ways to proceed from here – cease or monitor my inappropriate statements at the expense of these wonderful stories and classroom digression, OR continue on this path and potentially meet an early departure from the school system.  So many choices.

Also we have had 9 days of school so far and I have had 4 boys fall asleep in my grade 9 class. 

I think I suck.

HOTD #4 – I saw another Fiesta on the road today as I was driving home J  Black, and much dirtier than mine – I nearly honked in greeting but I wasn’t sure if Fiesta people are like that, I mean, it’s not a Volkswagen or anything.  Yet I feel this bond with other Fiesta owners, and also a bit of anger at my diminishing uniqueness.  Though my count can still be contained on one hand! (Not including myself and BN). 


And as a sign off, here is a conversation I had tonight with an old friend from high school - 

Me: school is kicking my butt - my students are wild and I'm tired all the time but loving almost every minute of it!

VB: haha well at least they are probably not trying to have potlucks in the middle of class.  Bringing huge bowls of spaghetti…

Me: I can ONLY imagine!

VB: And thongs.

Me: …Do you mean tongs?

Hilar.

I left my laptop AT SCHOOL

Can you SENSE the rage and frustration I'm feeling?!?!

I can't believe it. I really can't believe it. My laptop is my money maker. My life blood. An extension of my body. Necessary for my being.

Do you understand or should I continue with the melodrama? Long story short, I use my laptop for everything. Since I don't have a cell phone or a house phone I use it to communicate with my family who are far away as well as with my friends and co-workers when I need to get in touch with them. More importantly though, I use my computer to do my planning. I can go without messaging my homies for an evening. What I CAN'T go without is preparing for my school day. All of my notes, curriculum, powerpoint slideshows, course materials, word processing capabilities, bookmarks... It's all on there... half an hour away (significantly longer with what will now be rush hour traffic and the return trip. I'm freaking. I attempted to get ahold of my SA who may or may not be at school still but there was no answer.

Can I survive doing all of my planning and typing on my tiny iTouch? I guess we'll see.
Or is it worth the time and gas to go retrieve the computer and maybe some of my sanity?
It's ironic really because JUST this afternoon the Social Studies department Head and I were discussing which pieces of technology were essential to the classroom these days, and we both decided that the lap top is the most essential piece because it helps both in and out of the classroom, makes you more portable, etc. And what do I do? Forget mine.

It probably has something to do with how exhausting today was. It honestly felt like a Monday. Most of my classes were great but my grade 10s at the end of the day today could just NOT handle class time. This one boy - whose name I continue to mispronounce - refused to sit in the new seat I had assigned him (since he's a giant loudmouth who keeps everyone from getting their work done). So I had to do this stupid power struggle thing with him where I told him he could either move to his assigned seat or take his attitude into the hall and he tried to argue with me! Meaning he tried to loudly convince me of why I was wrong for moving him - insisting that now he would NEVER get ANY learning done because of how BORED and MISERABLE he was going to be. I ignored him. THEN partway through class AS I was talking he STOOD UP and started walking back to his old desk. I could barely speak I was in such disbelief at his impertinence! So after a bit more haggling the boy-whose-name-I-continue-to-mispronounce sat in relative peace with only a few grunts from his general direction

Thankfully for me the tension broke right around Ontario as I mentioned that Toronto was a large "metropolitan area". Here is the conversation that followed:
S1: "What's a metr-i-opolin area?"
S2: "Oh! I know! It's that band!"
S3: "I thought it was an ice cream..."
S4: "You idiot - That's Napoleon!"
Me: "You mean...Neapolitan?"

(The first five seconds of silence this class has ever experienced...)

And then roaring laughter that left the class wild as animals for the remainder of the block.

High Fives and M.O.

There is a student that comes in every morning to give me a high five.

What should my thoughts be on this subject?

I figure there are two

1)     It’s super creepy and this kid has a deep, fluttery stomach crush on me.

2)     It’s just flattering that he enjoyed my course so much that he wants to visit me every morning before English!...

Maybe I should stop showering and washing my hands.

Today I forgot that I was being evaluated by my FA – so he bounces into the classroom all cheery and I was just frozen…in place.  Luckily I had lesson plans printed and my classes all set to go but the shock of it!  He was lucky enough to watch a movie on the English Civil War – apparently I “introduced it well” which pleases me since that was pretty much all I did.  All in all not a terrible experience, it was almost better not knowing he was coming and having that anxiety on me all day.

This was the conversation I had at the end of the day today as I was casually greeting a friend:

Me:  How is your day?

MN: Filled with light.  Yours?

Me: Filled with learning.   Though I think I was doing most of it unfortunately.  My students were mostly...zombies.

MN: Oh that's rough.  Sometimes you need to drop words like Sex or Multiple Orgasms in your speech to keep their attention.  I learned that somewhere.

So the plan tomorrow?  Teach my Law kids about Human Rights Legislation and Multiple Orgams.  It should go over well.

Waking up Late

Last night I had a VIVID nightmare about oversleeping!  In my dream I woke up to find my clock saying 7:47!!!!  Horrors!  Normally I leave the house at 6:40 and I ARRIVE in the school parking lot at 7:00 on the dot and the first bell rings at 8:15.  So 7:47 would give me less than half an hour to get ready AND drive to school!  This is not including breakfast, showering and photocopying!  IT WAS THE WORST NIGHTMARE EVER!!!  I jolted awake from this terrible dream, frantically checked my clock which said 2:38…phew.  The rest of my sleep was wrought with anxiety because I was terrified the dream would become reality.  Of course what this meant for the rest of my day was that I was cranky.  Not yell at my class cranky, but a more subtle – I hate everyone cranky, which is a very productive type of anger.  Not.  This is the sulky, lack of motivation type of anger.  Awesome.  Especially since I have a giant pile of marking, a bunch of prep to do and a long list of chores.  Bleck.

In other news – my mentor teacher alerted me that one of my peer tutors had intense body odor today so he will be having a discussion with her tomorrow about her circumstances, professionalism, etc.  Except the thing is…I think it might have been me.  I’ve smelled worse, and I didn’t find my odor today especially disgusting but that’s probably what all smelly people say!  What if he really smelled me and now I’m going to let this poor girl take a serious self esteem hit for something that may have been my doing?!  I didn’t smell her personally, but I was running around the class and he was the one sitting back there with her…there’s no way of knowing.

I also discovered that two boys that have been attending my Socials 10 class may or may not actually be students in that class.  I didn’t see their names on the computer attendance list all week last week but I attributed that to a technical glitch or slow updating of the system, but today when both of their names were still not in there I mentioned it to my SA and we sent their names to the office.  We’ll see what comes of that.  I kind of like them.  But I kind of don’t.  So it’ll be neutral if they end up being removed.  I did find it suspicious that one of them told me their name was Manveet Smith.  I just figured his dad was white.

Tomorrow my Socials 9 class is beginning their viewing of “Cromwell”.  Hooray for extra prep time!  It will take us AT LEAST two days to finish the film!  I might actually be able to get my marking done!  

Lemon Loaf in Lynden

Two things you should know about my life at this exact moment:

1. My "d" key is broken so now there are probably 50 billion typos in the work I did today and yesterday because I only JUST noticed that it is working sporadically.
2. There is a cute boy sitting across from me in Starbucks right now an I have already set my sights on him as my new husband.  Commence subtle eye contact flirtation.

Full Immersion Begins

This week was brutal.  It was the start of the new semester which for me equals a number of things:

1. My first time introducing myself to a class on the first day as their teacher.  This was hard!  I debated between how much to tell them about myself and what to say about why I was only going to be there for a few months (they tell us to take ownership over the classroom, but if the students know you are just the student teacher who is only going to be there for a limited time then they will walk all over you!)
2. I realized how much I still do not know about the school that I work in.  So many students had questions about what to do in certain situations and i had no idea what to tell them, I didn't even know the names of some of the staff members that they should talk to.  I know their faces, and I talk with them but when put on the spot I could NOT identify for the students who they were.  That was rough.
3. This was my first experience with younger grades.  Last semester I only had a grade 12 students in my two blocks of Law and they were awesome.  Well - by the end of last semester they were awesome, I had to earn my way with them as well  and they brought different challenges (attitude, engagement levels, etc).  Grade 9 and 10s are SIGNIFICANTLY different.  I knew this going in, in my head I knew that they would be different - but knowing something and experiencing it are two very different things.  I took it hard.  I had trouble keeping them focused, keeping their attention, keeping them quiet, asserting myself. In my grade 10 class I had to kick TWO boys out to have chats with them.  On the first day!  Though I've developed decent relationships with both of them since then (haha, over three days, we'll see how it goes).
4. Planning has consumed EVERY second of every day.  I have been sitting doing only things I enjoy for the last hour and it's the first time I've taken a break (it's been incredible).  I can't even write about it...literally every second planning and prepping.  SO much work getting ready for three different 80 minute classes everyday.

I had a lot of success last semester with my classes and methods, I was doing well on a consistent basis and feeling good at the end of the day - and I had free time!  The point of this is not to broadcast my personal successes but to say that this week has been hard on me in more ways than one.  Not only am I exhausted because I'm getting used to the new schedule and mornings, but I'm working hard the entire day and I feel emotionally defeated.  It has been hard for me to struggle through each class period.  I left the house on Wednesday just feeling awful - my roommates even commented on how down I looked.  I've had some minor successes since then, the last two days have been medium and I've been getting decent feedback from students but I still have a LOT of work to do before I can feel like I'm doing well.

Also a bitch ass hoe lady just came and yelled at us for parking in the visitor parking spots all the time.  She has a point because we do park there more often than most but NONE of us are parked there right now and she's yelling at us for taking up all the spots.  Idiot.  Also she sounds like she might have a retainer or be mentally handicapped.  I hate her.  B.A.H.