Not there yet

This week, more than ever, I've realized my shortcomings as a teacher.  This is not a wildly disparaging comment about how my life sucks and I'll never be good at anything, because I'm still a baby ta-ta!  I'm supposed to be bad!  However, I've been spoiled over the last while with the successes I have had up to this point in my practicum far outweighing my failures.

Not this week.

This week my lower grades have walked all over me and I have let them because at a certain point you would rather them just be loud than have to nag them ONE. MORE. TIME. to be quiet.  My favorite move is still the stand-silently-until-they-figure-out-that-you're-waiting-for-them-and-then-they-fall-silent-move.  But it has reached the point where they waste a LOT of time before they finally quiet down.  I can be a hard ass but being mean is not in my outward nature.  So my plan is work.  And lots of it.  Quiet.  Focused.  Busy.  Work.  Not busy work (but sort of).  Not busy work in the sense that it doesn't matter or significantly contribute to their learning but the process of doing busy work helps teach them discipline - which they currently do not have.  Thanks to me.  I firmly believe my management will improve once I teach them how to be disciplined.  Or at least improve their lack of discipline...a little.  That way, those who want to do well can independently motivate themselves to do well and those that don't will earn the zeros.

Man I feel like I'm being brutal right now.  Where along the path to becoming a teacher were we taught that the students have to "like" being in class?  I am constantly torn between my desire to have them enjoy their time in school as a positive experience and my desire to have their time in school be a positive experience for ME.  I love my grade nines because they don't do any group work but the material is interesting enough that my personal enthusiasm can drive their independent work time.  Socials 10 not only are they really dumb, but I hate the material so my preparation is terrible so my enthusiasm sucks so I make them do nothing so now they run wild.  F.M.L.

I will make a vow to never write another blog post where I rant about my feelings UNLESS it is wildly humorous and well thought out.  The end.