Not there yet

This week, more than ever, I've realized my shortcomings as a teacher.  This is not a wildly disparaging comment about how my life sucks and I'll never be good at anything, because I'm still a baby ta-ta!  I'm supposed to be bad!  However, I've been spoiled over the last while with the successes I have had up to this point in my practicum far outweighing my failures.

Not this week.

This week my lower grades have walked all over me and I have let them because at a certain point you would rather them just be loud than have to nag them ONE. MORE. TIME. to be quiet.  My favorite move is still the stand-silently-until-they-figure-out-that-you're-waiting-for-them-and-then-they-fall-silent-move.  But it has reached the point where they waste a LOT of time before they finally quiet down.  I can be a hard ass but being mean is not in my outward nature.  So my plan is work.  And lots of it.  Quiet.  Focused.  Busy.  Work.  Not busy work (but sort of).  Not busy work in the sense that it doesn't matter or significantly contribute to their learning but the process of doing busy work helps teach them discipline - which they currently do not have.  Thanks to me.  I firmly believe my management will improve once I teach them how to be disciplined.  Or at least improve their lack of discipline...a little.  That way, those who want to do well can independently motivate themselves to do well and those that don't will earn the zeros.

Man I feel like I'm being brutal right now.  Where along the path to becoming a teacher were we taught that the students have to "like" being in class?  I am constantly torn between my desire to have them enjoy their time in school as a positive experience and my desire to have their time in school be a positive experience for ME.  I love my grade nines because they don't do any group work but the material is interesting enough that my personal enthusiasm can drive their independent work time.  Socials 10 not only are they really dumb, but I hate the material so my preparation is terrible so my enthusiasm sucks so I make them do nothing so now they run wild.  F.M.L.

I will make a vow to never write another blog post where I rant about my feelings UNLESS it is wildly humorous and well thought out.  The end.

Jasonnnnn

The other day one of my students was sitting up near the front of the class copying a map off the whiteboard.  The girls behind him started whining “Jasssooonnnn!  Your head is in the WAY!  We CAN’T see over you!”  So he slouches down in the seat so that he is low enough for them to see around him but high enough that he can still draw on his own map and gets this self conscious look on his face while he mumbles, “Now I look stupid…”  The kind hearted teacher in me forgot for a moment that all of these kids are hoodlums out to party and destroy so I said to him “No Jason!  You look like a G slouched in his ride!”

First off – let’s just address how STUPID that statement would be in ANY context.  My intellect must have fallen to match the class average.

Secondly – his reaction immediately reminded me why I avoid trying to seem relevant to the students.

He sits up INSTANTLY and says loudly, turning to anyone who’ll listen “YO!  Teacher just called me G!  Did you hear that?!  She called me G!  Hey will you announce that to the whole class?  Will you tell everyone?  That’s TWO teachers today that have said I’m cool!”  I had to actively keep myself from slapping my hand to my forehead.

This story ends with the whiny girls whose vision has once again been obstructed, “Jaaassonnnnnnnn…”

Bills, bills, bills

You trifilin' - good for nothin' type of brother.
Silly me. Why haven't I found another?

Fire Alarms and Giant Boobs

It’s Tuesday afternoon and already our school week has been nuts.  Yesterday we got to school and nearly the ENTIRE school building had graffiti all over it.  Some nice photos of the vice principals with giant penises and our principal with giant boobs and a giant ass.  My SA’s name was misspelled next to some other kind words said about him and a few other teachers – all brilliantly clever sayings of course like “Mr. P is a d***,” and “Mrs. R sucks c***.” – you know, things no one has ever said about anyone ever before.

THEN!  Today!  Someone intentionally pulled the fire alarm causing mass panic and chaos (especially since my teacher had kindly NOT informed me of fire drill procedure so I was scrambling AND my FA was in observing – awesome).  It was freezing death outside and when we got back it took much wrangling and stern stares to get the class back in order.   Now I’m exhausted and voiceless.  Time to plan.

Success!

I would just like to document that today, at 9:14, a student (not in my class) called me hip!  Though he was commenting on my "pants" and I'm most definitely wearing a dress today...but we'll overlook that part.

"Transsexual"

Highlight of the Day #1 – I used the word “transsexual” as a joke today in class with my grade 10s and S4 (see yesterdays post) asked me what that was and I attempted to describe it to him without using the “p” or “v” word, stumbled awkwardly through the sentence before realizing that I probably shouldn’t be talking to him about that at all (unprofessional and all that).  Why was I using that word in a joke?  Not entirely sure but I think it had something to do with the guy who invented the Blackberry.

HOTD #2 – As I was leaving school I saw 12 GIRLS wearing Ugg boots on ONE street corner.  I can’t wait for spring – if only because it means I’ll be seeing a lot less of those hideous boots.

HOTD #3 - I used the phrase “thug life” to describe a monarch during the English Civil War which prompted one of my students to raise his hand and ask “Does that mean that they had weed back then?” 

I’m noticing a pattern in my stories…they typically start with me accidentally saying something wildly inappropriate in the classroom and then my students responding with equally inappropriate questions or comments.  There are two ways to proceed from here – cease or monitor my inappropriate statements at the expense of these wonderful stories and classroom digression, OR continue on this path and potentially meet an early departure from the school system.  So many choices.

Also we have had 9 days of school so far and I have had 4 boys fall asleep in my grade 9 class. 

I think I suck.

HOTD #4 – I saw another Fiesta on the road today as I was driving home J  Black, and much dirtier than mine – I nearly honked in greeting but I wasn’t sure if Fiesta people are like that, I mean, it’s not a Volkswagen or anything.  Yet I feel this bond with other Fiesta owners, and also a bit of anger at my diminishing uniqueness.  Though my count can still be contained on one hand! (Not including myself and BN). 


And as a sign off, here is a conversation I had tonight with an old friend from high school - 

Me: school is kicking my butt - my students are wild and I'm tired all the time but loving almost every minute of it!

VB: haha well at least they are probably not trying to have potlucks in the middle of class.  Bringing huge bowls of spaghetti…

Me: I can ONLY imagine!

VB: And thongs.

Me: …Do you mean tongs?

Hilar.

I left my laptop AT SCHOOL

Can you SENSE the rage and frustration I'm feeling?!?!

I can't believe it. I really can't believe it. My laptop is my money maker. My life blood. An extension of my body. Necessary for my being.

Do you understand or should I continue with the melodrama? Long story short, I use my laptop for everything. Since I don't have a cell phone or a house phone I use it to communicate with my family who are far away as well as with my friends and co-workers when I need to get in touch with them. More importantly though, I use my computer to do my planning. I can go without messaging my homies for an evening. What I CAN'T go without is preparing for my school day. All of my notes, curriculum, powerpoint slideshows, course materials, word processing capabilities, bookmarks... It's all on there... half an hour away (significantly longer with what will now be rush hour traffic and the return trip. I'm freaking. I attempted to get ahold of my SA who may or may not be at school still but there was no answer.

Can I survive doing all of my planning and typing on my tiny iTouch? I guess we'll see.
Or is it worth the time and gas to go retrieve the computer and maybe some of my sanity?
It's ironic really because JUST this afternoon the Social Studies department Head and I were discussing which pieces of technology were essential to the classroom these days, and we both decided that the lap top is the most essential piece because it helps both in and out of the classroom, makes you more portable, etc. And what do I do? Forget mine.

It probably has something to do with how exhausting today was. It honestly felt like a Monday. Most of my classes were great but my grade 10s at the end of the day today could just NOT handle class time. This one boy - whose name I continue to mispronounce - refused to sit in the new seat I had assigned him (since he's a giant loudmouth who keeps everyone from getting their work done). So I had to do this stupid power struggle thing with him where I told him he could either move to his assigned seat or take his attitude into the hall and he tried to argue with me! Meaning he tried to loudly convince me of why I was wrong for moving him - insisting that now he would NEVER get ANY learning done because of how BORED and MISERABLE he was going to be. I ignored him. THEN partway through class AS I was talking he STOOD UP and started walking back to his old desk. I could barely speak I was in such disbelief at his impertinence! So after a bit more haggling the boy-whose-name-I-continue-to-mispronounce sat in relative peace with only a few grunts from his general direction

Thankfully for me the tension broke right around Ontario as I mentioned that Toronto was a large "metropolitan area". Here is the conversation that followed:
S1: "What's a metr-i-opolin area?"
S2: "Oh! I know! It's that band!"
S3: "I thought it was an ice cream..."
S4: "You idiot - That's Napoleon!"
Me: "You mean...Neapolitan?"

(The first five seconds of silence this class has ever experienced...)

And then roaring laughter that left the class wild as animals for the remainder of the block.