Unless

Friday.  The first real week of school is over. 

                I can hardly begin to summarize the events of this week and last and how stressful, fun and awful it’s been.  So far I only have 2 students that I want to kill and have only had one completely sleepless night.  My grade 10 classes are wonderful and even though they’re a bit rowdy I have previous relationships with almost all of them which means we will never be short on participation. 

                Yesterday one of my students informed me that my name is written in graffiti on the wall of the boys bathroom under the phrase “#1 TILF”…I’m only mildly offended.  And mildly flattered.

                I’ve got one 9^th grade boy who is just a complete jackass.  I don’t even know where to begin but he refuses to listen to me and he refuses to do any of his work.  Another boy is incredibly needy and is in my room every day after school and every lunch talking to me about his life and his feelings (so wonderful and helpful in understanding him, but not so conducive to getting planning and marking done)  and yet another boy clearly has developmental needs and yet no one has tested him or written a plan for him.  When I pulled his file I discovered that he failed both fifth and sixth grade AND failed EVERY CLASS in both seventh and eighth grade!  And somehow here’s here in high school with no testing or question as to why he is incapable of succeeding in school.  I’m shocked.  He’s incredibly disruptive and frustrating to have in class.  I started making a “Beer Tally” for myself this week, every time my patience was severely tried I added a tally to the list of beers I deserve for not blowing up. 

                I may become an alcoholic by the end of next week.

                All in all though I find that teaching my own class is surprisingly fun.  I love these students (even the difficult ones…though a bit less than the un-difficult ones) and I love the times when I get to teach something I really love.  Social studies is my FAVORITE class, those kids are wonderful and I’m so happy to get to continue working with them after meeting them last year and I LOVE teaching history.  It’s so fun to try to make these ancient stories relatable to them.

                I keep repeating to myself the quote from The Lorax, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It’s not.”  Whenever I’m frustrated with a student I just need to remember that I was put here for a reason – to serve these teenagers.  And being servant hearted is not supposed to be comfortable.

Napoleon Chronicles - Part 6

Almost 3 weeks ago I was driving home from church on the freeway between Interstate 5 and my house when I saw what I thought was a piece of garbage in my lane.  Since I was near the end of a construction zone I slowed down so that I could go around this object because I wasn't sure how damaging hitting a construction item would be to my car.  However when I got closer I realized that it wasn't garbage at all but a TINY KITTEN crouching in the road.  I pulled over immediately and without much thought ran out into the road, signalling for other cars to slow while I retrieved the kitten that was frozen in fear in the middle of the highway.

Three weeks later and Otis (aka - Road Kill) and Napoleon are nearly inseparable.  Today as I was leaving to make a trip to the grocery store I went to put Napoleon away in his crate and Otis ran in after him and plopped down in the back of the crate while Napoleon curled up next to him.  I sat there bewildered for a moment before closing the gate and leaving with a big smile on my face.  The wrestle each other and run laps around the house and even attempt to share each other's food (though I highly discourage this whenever I catch them).  It's like a scene straight out of "Fox and the Hound", they're the best of friends and aren't even aware they're such a funny pair.

Unfortunately since I am engaged to be married in October, Napoleon and I will be moving in with Paul and my step-dog Jake, a 9 year old boxer/lab mix who is adorable and sweet and loving but who has an intense fixation with cats.  So far he has been unable to adjust to the kitten's presence in the house and more often than not attempts to chase Otis down with aggressive barks that frighten me.  It pains me to watch Napoleon and Otis cuddle knowing that their future together looks bleak. And that is nothing to the pain I feel when I imagine parting with Otis and giving him to another family.  Though I suppose THAT is nothing to the pain I would feel if I came home and found that Jake had eaten poor Otis :/

Life is tough.

I Am

Challenge 1 - I Am

So Dancing Wolf and I have started our visual journals and I decided to take up the Journal Fodder Junkies Challenge and make one page each week or so responding to one of their prompts.  The first challenge has to do with introducing yourself and reflecting on how you perceive who you are right now.  My life is fairly cheery and I'm in a place where I'm not quite in one place or another, still transitioning from what my life was like before to what it will eventually become (blah blah blah gag on the deepness of my mind).  Anyway, I made my  collage and introduced myself to the world.

I'm not a girl - not yet a woman.  All I need is time.  A moment that is mine.  While I'm inbetween...Amen Britney...Amen.

Journal Junkies

I love my job for a lot of reasons.  Over the last few months I've been spending a lot of time with a handful of freshman girls at school, getting to know them and share in their jokes and hardships.
This week one of the girls (we'll call her...Dancing Wolf...that came out of nowhere...) she and I got to talking about our journals and how addicted we are and how sometimes you need to be able to express yourself differently so I introduced her to the concept of a visual journal.  I've made visual journals before but really only for academic projects or gifts for others.  I have the occasional page that could maybe be classified as such but it's never integrated itself into my regular journalling routine.  Truthfully I've been journalling more in the last year than I ever have before.  Since September I've filled one and a half books which is unprecedented for me.

Anyways, Dancing Wolf and I have gotten really excited about this new idea and incorporating something like this into our "reflective lives" we like to call it.  It makes me feel so earthy and introspective to think like this.  She's been collecting materials like crazy for us to start our projects, I like that we have something to bond over and I always love any opportunity to teach someone something new about themselves.

In other news - Napoleon has finally learned the meaning of the leash and has taken to grabbing it from wherever it is, either hanging on a hook or laying on the floor and trying to bring it to me to put on him so I can take him for a walk.  Cutest thing you've ever seen, I'll try to capture his antics on video soon to share with you all.

Falling for you

This morning I was sitting cross legged on my bed watching an episode of melodramatic television where one character is scared she's having a crack baby when lunchtime rolled around. I went to get out of bed and I collapsed face first onto the ground because my feet were asleep.  Not the tingly "Oh that feels like needles" asleep - fully asleep.  My legs were so numb that I was then incapable of standing up let alone walking.  It was like watching a baby horse try to take it's first steps, only one of it's legs has been cut off.  Nothing like a good old facial rug burn to start off an empty Friday.

Plague of the Lactose and Shower Intolerant Para-Educator

At the beginning of January I started working after school in the Language Arts lab helping students get caught up on work, helping them edit papers, or helping them with SAT prep (among other things). That's not really the interesting part of this story though.  Each afternoon I run the lab alongside a para-educator who also works in the school - after today's events I will call her "Smelly Feet".  I can't believe I haven't written about her sooner because at LEAST once a day she does or says something gross.  Typically it's in the form of stories - like the time she explained in detail all the ways her body has changed since high school or telling me about her lactose intolerance and how it makes her gassy in front of her boyfriend.  She also told me about the first time she had a bladder infection (she thought she had an STD - classic) AND she once bragged to me about how she can go a whole week without showering and you can hardly tell! (TRUST ME...you can tell).  On a regular (I would venture to say daily) basis I am forced to avoid sitting near her because her body odor is so strong that it fills my nostrils and makes it impossible for me to breathe.  And today...today she greeted me by saying, "I am going to take my shoes off and air my smelly feet!"  ...Nice to see you too.  That sounds like a great idea...in a classroom...full of students...of course, why not?

In other news, the other day I accidentally ended up attempting to explain gay marriage to a group of grade 9's by posing a hypothetical situation where I claimed a student and I were dating and she got mangled in a terrible car accident and the hospital wouldn't let me visit her during her dying moments because we weren't family...only when I reached this point in the story did I fully realize the intense awkwardness of the moment.

R.I.P. Rosie 2001 - 2012

This afternoon my family said goodbye to Rosie, our German Shepherd who has been with us since I was 13.  She was my first puppy and the first dog who let me dress her up in strange clothes and photograph her (a privilege that will now undoubtedly fall on Nap).  She was a wonderful dog and will be greatly missed.

Sciency Girls Can't Be Skanks

I have a creepy love of high schoolers, they just have the ability to take any situation an instantly make it ridiculous.

I was tutoring my favorite group of grade nine students this afternoon and we began to discuss the similarities between three famously “evil” world leaders in history.  When asked how the existence of these men has impacted us today one student immediately and with all seriousness stated “We have less Jews.” And for the rest of the class period the entire group could think of NO OTHER WAY that these men changed the world outside of their elimination of Jewish people…obviously they are paying close attention in their socials classes. 

I really do love this little group though.  First we have The Hooded Wonder (named aptly because I have never seen him without his hood on), he’s a scrawny boy who wears the same sweatshirt every day and speaks with a cute voice that you can tell is just past puberty, he has a surprising charm with the ladies.  I never would have guessed when I first met him, but even with me he’ll walk over, plop down on a chair near me and inquire about my day.  Next there is the threesome of Baby Face, Underwear Boy and Girl-whose-name-I-will-never-be-able-to-spell.  Underwear Boy is named so because he is always showing his entire butt every single day at school and whenever I tell him to pull his pants up he responds “But Foutz, I thought you liked it!” Gross.  Baby Face has shiny Justin Bieber hair, chubby cheeks and is my favorite because he never fails to make me laugh when I run across him.  GWNIWNBATS is pretty self explanatory – her name is long and no one can ever pronounce it. My favorite is when there is a substitute because the whole class anticipates her name on the attendance list and enjoy watching the guest teacher stumble over her name.  I thankfully have mastered the pronunciation but Lord help me if I ever need to write her a hall pass because I cannot remember or figure out how to spell it.  My sources tell me that Underwear Boy and GWNIWNBATS used to date back when they were still at the middle school and everyone thought they would get back together once they returned to high school, I thought for sure that they would be an item soon after watching them interact – so cute – but today he revealed to us all that he is dating a girl from a nearby high school!  As is typical of me, I’ve become far too involved in their personal lives and too emotionally invested in them as individuals so I gave him a stern look upon hearing this information.  He said “Foutz, why are you giving me that look?  I promise you would approve!  She’s nice and not skanky! She likes science!  Sciency girls can’t be skanky!” Well I must be a super skank because I hate science.

Other enjoyable quotes from the day included “Thank God for friends” (who let you copy their homework), “Yeah…it’s happening…” (Baby Face as he absentmindedly twirled my water bottle around with his pencil) and a loud “I LOVE YOU FOUTZ” from a rowdy grade 10 student as I entered his classroom (he then continued cussing out his teacher who merely told him to “Sit down and get to work” in a disinterested voice).

You Know You're Canadian When...

Okay brief post to document this hilarious anecdote from my evening at home -

My dad's best friend from university and his wife (who also went to university with them) is currently down visiting from Northern Alberta.  They just returned from spending several years abroad working in Indonesia and they wanted to touch base and catch up for a few days so the two couples have been traipsing around the city seeing the sights and talking for hours.  So tonight, I'm sitting at the computer filling out my time sheet and eavesdropping on them in the living room discussing the idea of impacting your community - how people should not only be investing in places that are easy to invest in like their homes and their churches but they should also make an effort to build relationships other places in order to feel connected to the community you live in.  My dad is throwing out examples "Local pub, coffee shop, library..." my mom says "Craft store, grocery store..." and the visiting woman says "Hockey rink?"

Yes, because we have so many of those here and we frequent them on a daily basis.  So Canadian.

Napoleon Chronicles - Part 5

I have failed to post any updated pictures of Napoleon for awhile so here are some from the end of the summer and a few more recent.  (Brenda and Alan - he's doing wonderful and got lots of presents for Christmas.)

Napoleon riding in the back of the truck with all the "kids" after a long day of baseball and swimming.

His first adventures in camping.  It looks like his ears are wet but really he discovered a pile of bacon grease and proceeded to roll in it...

Nap and Rosie.

He always hogs the sleeping bag.

This was taken on Napoleon's first camping trip down in Southern Oregon where he also learned to fetch!  This has made it a lot easier to exercise him now that winter's come.  Also he does a really cute leap as he approaches the toy before bringing it back.  

Cooling off after a long hike around Crater Lake.

Deranged dog face - the day after Thanksgiving.

Nap and I...uhh...napping...we were enjoying the glow of the Christmas tree that you can't see in this photo.  Napoleon did a wonderful job dealing with all the excitement that Christmas brings.  He only chewed open one wrapped gift and left all of the ornaments alone (well, his tail took out a few of the lower ones but that was unintentional).  He got a new collar and leash for Christmas along with two new toys!

Top Ten Recent Highlights

Alright, so it’s been about a million years since I’ve posted and a lot has happened that I failed to keep the public updated on so I’ll pick just a few highlights of the past three months or so.  In no particular order of time or preference -

Highlight #1 – Started working as a Teacher’s Aid (or in class tutor) at my old high school!  Though I have yet to acquire any stories that match the caliber of my students last year there have been some great moments (see Highlight 3).

Highlight #2 – Made friends with the group of grade 10 hoodlums in one of the AVID classes I tutor.  Every week without fail they attempt to flatter me into giving them good scores on their tutorial forms and they intentionally skew their questions so that they get placed in my group.  This is all beautiful and touching but they are a high maintenance group of blossoming adolescents.  Can’t wait for break to be over so I can return to their demanding presence.  Seriously though, they’re all little BAH’s but I love them to death.

Highlight #3 – A charming Mexican boy sprayed me with AXE body spray while we were in the library working on his English paragraphs.  After he had sniped me with his foul smelling can of death he said “Now all others boys will know I was here…”  Creepy much?

Highlight #4 – Got to be a part of my good friend’s wedding!  The whole week was a blast and the wedding was a beautiful adventure.  Also my hair looked great.

Highlight #5 – This really should have been posted higher on the list but it’s late and I’m feeling wildly disjointed but I met a wonderful man and we have been happily dating for nearly three months now!  You would like him (yes you – faceless digital void – whoever you are – you would like him, he’s cheery and cute).

Highlight #6 – I went to Florida and spent about a week traipsing around the various theme parks including DisneyWorld, SeaWorld, Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure (where the Wizarding World of Harry Potter lives) and Busch Gardens.  I checked Number 16 off of my List of Things to do Before I Die!!!!  I rode SEVERAL really scary roller coasters! The very first one I went on was Manta in SeaWorld – YouTube it.  For someone who has/had an illness inducing fear of roller coasters prior to this trip I’d say that’s a pretty brave coaster to sink your teeth into right off the bat.  I’m so brave – heap praise and admiration on me please.

Highlight #7 – I had several hateful songs written and published about me.  They’re all available for free download out there somewhere on the internet, yippee.  I can’t wait to be a famous muse one day.  Perhaps I can sue for royalties of some kind, or perhaps defamation.  I taught law, I’m sure I can find a loophole to screw her out of not only her boyfriend but her fortune also.  I’m such a classy broad.

Highlight #8 – Had kidney stones for the millionth time confirming my suspicions that I am in fact an elderly man trapped inside a 24 year old female’s body.

Highlight #9 – Speaking of 24!  I had a birthday!  Nearly vomited behind Dick’s Drive-In by the Seattle Center and sang endless amounts of Celine Dion and Dixie Chicks at karaoke.  It was my best birthday ever besides the one when the Twilight extra bought us copious amounts of tequila and offered to show me his wang.

Highlight #10 – My brother and I went together to get tattoos last week!  He has my signature of our last name on the inside of his left arm and I have it in text on the backside/outside of my left arm.  Awww – sibling love.

This is a picture of the tattoo only half done, he went through and filled in all the letters after this was taken but I like this photo.