R.I.P. Rosie 2001 - 2012

This afternoon my family said goodbye to Rosie, our German Shepherd who has been with us since I was 13.  She was my first puppy and the first dog who let me dress her up in strange clothes and photograph her (a privilege that will now undoubtedly fall on Nap).  She was a wonderful dog and will be greatly missed.

Sciency Girls Can't Be Skanks

I have a creepy love of high schoolers, they just have the ability to take any situation an instantly make it ridiculous.

I was tutoring my favorite group of grade nine students this afternoon and we began to discuss the similarities between three famously “evil” world leaders in history.  When asked how the existence of these men has impacted us today one student immediately and with all seriousness stated “We have less Jews.” And for the rest of the class period the entire group could think of NO OTHER WAY that these men changed the world outside of their elimination of Jewish people…obviously they are paying close attention in their socials classes. 

I really do love this little group though.  First we have The Hooded Wonder (named aptly because I have never seen him without his hood on), he’s a scrawny boy who wears the same sweatshirt every day and speaks with a cute voice that you can tell is just past puberty, he has a surprising charm with the ladies.  I never would have guessed when I first met him, but even with me he’ll walk over, plop down on a chair near me and inquire about my day.  Next there is the threesome of Baby Face, Underwear Boy and Girl-whose-name-I-will-never-be-able-to-spell.  Underwear Boy is named so because he is always showing his entire butt every single day at school and whenever I tell him to pull his pants up he responds “But Foutz, I thought you liked it!” Gross.  Baby Face has shiny Justin Bieber hair, chubby cheeks and is my favorite because he never fails to make me laugh when I run across him.  GWNIWNBATS is pretty self explanatory – her name is long and no one can ever pronounce it. My favorite is when there is a substitute because the whole class anticipates her name on the attendance list and enjoy watching the guest teacher stumble over her name.  I thankfully have mastered the pronunciation but Lord help me if I ever need to write her a hall pass because I cannot remember or figure out how to spell it.  My sources tell me that Underwear Boy and GWNIWNBATS used to date back when they were still at the middle school and everyone thought they would get back together once they returned to high school, I thought for sure that they would be an item soon after watching them interact – so cute – but today he revealed to us all that he is dating a girl from a nearby high school!  As is typical of me, I’ve become far too involved in their personal lives and too emotionally invested in them as individuals so I gave him a stern look upon hearing this information.  He said “Foutz, why are you giving me that look?  I promise you would approve!  She’s nice and not skanky! She likes science!  Sciency girls can’t be skanky!” Well I must be a super skank because I hate science.

Other enjoyable quotes from the day included “Thank God for friends” (who let you copy their homework), “Yeah…it’s happening…” (Baby Face as he absentmindedly twirled my water bottle around with his pencil) and a loud “I LOVE YOU FOUTZ” from a rowdy grade 10 student as I entered his classroom (he then continued cussing out his teacher who merely told him to “Sit down and get to work” in a disinterested voice).

You Know You're Canadian When...

Okay brief post to document this hilarious anecdote from my evening at home -

My dad's best friend from university and his wife (who also went to university with them) is currently down visiting from Northern Alberta.  They just returned from spending several years abroad working in Indonesia and they wanted to touch base and catch up for a few days so the two couples have been traipsing around the city seeing the sights and talking for hours.  So tonight, I'm sitting at the computer filling out my time sheet and eavesdropping on them in the living room discussing the idea of impacting your community - how people should not only be investing in places that are easy to invest in like their homes and their churches but they should also make an effort to build relationships other places in order to feel connected to the community you live in.  My dad is throwing out examples "Local pub, coffee shop, library..." my mom says "Craft store, grocery store..." and the visiting woman says "Hockey rink?"

Yes, because we have so many of those here and we frequent them on a daily basis.  So Canadian.

Napoleon Chronicles - Part 5

I have failed to post any updated pictures of Napoleon for awhile so here are some from the end of the summer and a few more recent.  (Brenda and Alan - he's doing wonderful and got lots of presents for Christmas.)

Napoleon riding in the back of the truck with all the "kids" after a long day of baseball and swimming.

His first adventures in camping.  It looks like his ears are wet but really he discovered a pile of bacon grease and proceeded to roll in it...

Nap and Rosie.

He always hogs the sleeping bag.

This was taken on Napoleon's first camping trip down in Southern Oregon where he also learned to fetch!  This has made it a lot easier to exercise him now that winter's come.  Also he does a really cute leap as he approaches the toy before bringing it back.  

Cooling off after a long hike around Crater Lake.

Deranged dog face - the day after Thanksgiving.

Nap and I...uhh...napping...we were enjoying the glow of the Christmas tree that you can't see in this photo.  Napoleon did a wonderful job dealing with all the excitement that Christmas brings.  He only chewed open one wrapped gift and left all of the ornaments alone (well, his tail took out a few of the lower ones but that was unintentional).  He got a new collar and leash for Christmas along with two new toys!

Top Ten Recent Highlights

Alright, so it’s been about a million years since I’ve posted and a lot has happened that I failed to keep the public updated on so I’ll pick just a few highlights of the past three months or so.  In no particular order of time or preference -

Highlight #1 – Started working as a Teacher’s Aid (or in class tutor) at my old high school!  Though I have yet to acquire any stories that match the caliber of my students last year there have been some great moments (see Highlight 3).

Highlight #2 – Made friends with the group of grade 10 hoodlums in one of the AVID classes I tutor.  Every week without fail they attempt to flatter me into giving them good scores on their tutorial forms and they intentionally skew their questions so that they get placed in my group.  This is all beautiful and touching but they are a high maintenance group of blossoming adolescents.  Can’t wait for break to be over so I can return to their demanding presence.  Seriously though, they’re all little BAH’s but I love them to death.

Highlight #3 – A charming Mexican boy sprayed me with AXE body spray while we were in the library working on his English paragraphs.  After he had sniped me with his foul smelling can of death he said “Now all others boys will know I was here…”  Creepy much?

Highlight #4 – Got to be a part of my good friend’s wedding!  The whole week was a blast and the wedding was a beautiful adventure.  Also my hair looked great.

Highlight #5 – This really should have been posted higher on the list but it’s late and I’m feeling wildly disjointed but I met a wonderful man and we have been happily dating for nearly three months now!  You would like him (yes you – faceless digital void – whoever you are – you would like him, he’s cheery and cute).

Highlight #6 – I went to Florida and spent about a week traipsing around the various theme parks including DisneyWorld, SeaWorld, Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure (where the Wizarding World of Harry Potter lives) and Busch Gardens.  I checked Number 16 off of my List of Things to do Before I Die!!!!  I rode SEVERAL really scary roller coasters! The very first one I went on was Manta in SeaWorld – YouTube it.  For someone who has/had an illness inducing fear of roller coasters prior to this trip I’d say that’s a pretty brave coaster to sink your teeth into right off the bat.  I’m so brave – heap praise and admiration on me please.

Highlight #7 – I had several hateful songs written and published about me.  They’re all available for free download out there somewhere on the internet, yippee.  I can’t wait to be a famous muse one day.  Perhaps I can sue for royalties of some kind, or perhaps defamation.  I taught law, I’m sure I can find a loophole to screw her out of not only her boyfriend but her fortune also.  I’m such a classy broad.

Highlight #8 – Had kidney stones for the millionth time confirming my suspicions that I am in fact an elderly man trapped inside a 24 year old female’s body.

Highlight #9 – Speaking of 24!  I had a birthday!  Nearly vomited behind Dick’s Drive-In by the Seattle Center and sang endless amounts of Celine Dion and Dixie Chicks at karaoke.  It was my best birthday ever besides the one when the Twilight extra bought us copious amounts of tequila and offered to show me his wang.

Highlight #10 – My brother and I went together to get tattoos last week!  He has my signature of our last name on the inside of his left arm and I have it in text on the backside/outside of my left arm.  Awww – sibling love.

This is a picture of the tattoo only half done, he went through and filled in all the letters after this was taken but I like this photo.