She left a mark

It's been six months but it doesn't feel any less devastating.

She sang songs to let others know how much they are worth - how valuable their lives are.

"My shackled heart is breaking out

There is no doubt it’s breaking out

My yearning soul is content

It’s heaven sent

I am content

All my pain and suffering

Dumping down the drain

And I’m free

Said I’m free"

Carly Henley

See her story here

C-Unit Crushes Dreams

So I successfully put off completing any productive tasks on my To Do list but I did accomplish two insignificant yet humorous tasks.

First, I wrote and performed a rap that I would hypothetically include as my closing statement in an interview for a teaching position.

My name is Chelsea also known as Ms. F
My life calling is the reason why I sit at this desk
Eat sleep and breath - my commitment to your children
I dream of the day when I'll work in this buildin'
Charisma and vitality are positives I bring
No slacking or attacking
I can even sing
Red and yellow black and white
They're ALL precious in my sight
My goal is further growth
Morning noon and night
Thank you for this privilege I hope you've been impressed - by my energy, my empathy and not just by my dress.

The rhythm is a bit difficult to understand unless you hear it performed but at least reading it you can appreciate how much of a weirdo I am.

My second accomplishment of the day was crushing a young child's beautiful and rosy vision of Disneyland and the magic existing within those walls.  I told them a story of the time I was walking in Backstage Disney and I saw Ariel smoking a cigarette.  This thoughtless story was followed by a "They have waterproof cigarettes?" from the youngest child and "I never want to visit a princess again!  They're gross!" from the oldest child.  Nice job Chels.  They tell you about their first trip to Disneyland and you think of the most traumatizing story you could possibly tell about the most magical place on earth.  Nice.

Roommate Chronicles

I have a roommate who talks incessantly.  When I say incessantly I nearly literally mean every moment that she is in the presence of another human (or even when she isn't) she is speaking or making noises.

Her favorite topics include the activities of the other people in the room.  For example as I am walking out the door, "Are you going outside?" (No - I'm teleporting to Narnia, thanks for asking).

Stating the obvious is a related but separate topic - for instance: "I'm on the phone."  Randomly.  No one asked what she was doing or even addressed her (obviously because she's on the phone, that would be rude).  But she makes sure to tell us as though she intends to begin a conversation with us about that.  But she's already talking to someone...on the phone.

Another favorite topic is television shows.  She watches nearly every show in existence and her favorites to bring up are the terrible or obscure shows that normally only old mothers or 13 year old girls watch (typically brought up at times when the "listener" is working hard to avoid conversation or immersed in another task).  I will be sitting on the couch with headphones in (an indicator that I am busy doing something else, not open to random, casual conversation) and she'll attempt to get my attention.  Normally this means the person has something important to say that requires my immediate attention (you know, my car alarm is going off, someone is at the door to see me, have I paid my rent? etc).  But no - with her it's "Do you watch Vampire Diaries?"  No.  I do not.  "Oh well there is this guy, a few episodes he blah blah blah blah....."  Cue intense irritation.

My favorite are the moments where she talks to no one.  One morning I came downstairs to make myself comfortable in a favorite chair with my laptop when I suddenly realized someone was using the downstairs bathroom.  Keep in mind it's roughly 7:15 in the morning and no one else is quite awake yet or they have already left the house.  I hear a voice coming from the bathroom...a voice that doesn't know that I have entered the room, the toilet flushes, the voice says "Whoop!  That's a big guy."  Another flush.  "That's better."  High pitched mumbling or humming ensues.  The air freshener sprays.  "Mmmmmm."

What the hell?

Today she encountered me sitting on the porch (remember that it's the middle of March) and she says "We haven't been sitting outside much lately!  Why is that?"
It's been snowing, raining and below zero.  Why do we need to have a conversation about this?

Sometimes this house feels like my high school classroom.  I may explode from over exposure to idiocy.

Spring Break Countdown

80 – the number of miles I can go before my gas tank is empty and needs to be refilled with my zero dollars

26 – the number of minutes I had with my grade 10s today after the Hansen Idol ran long and before the code yellow evacuation of the school.

24 – the number of students who were pleased that I have now had to cancel their test because their entire review period was taken up by an emergency evacuation and a lame talent competition.

20 – the number of idiot students who are failing or close to failing my class

18 – the number of minutes I had to spend outside with bare legs in the freezing wind.  I knew I should have worn tights today.

12 – the number of contestants who sang at this afternoon’s “Hansen Idol” competition

9 – the number of contestants who sang POORLY at this afternoon’s “Hansen Idol” competition

7 – the number of grade 10 students who have tried to add me on Facebook today.

2 – the number of fires that were intentionally started in our school today by students.

1 – the number of days left until two weeks of Spring Break.

0 – the number of cocktails I have had today…this must change.

It’s times like this where I really wish I still lived in the States and I could just drop by the grocery store and grab a six pack to sit on my couch with.  I know I could get some here but I would pay three times as much for a crappy selection.

Not there yet

This week, more than ever, I've realized my shortcomings as a teacher.  This is not a wildly disparaging comment about how my life sucks and I'll never be good at anything, because I'm still a baby ta-ta!  I'm supposed to be bad!  However, I've been spoiled over the last while with the successes I have had up to this point in my practicum far outweighing my failures.

Not this week.

This week my lower grades have walked all over me and I have let them because at a certain point you would rather them just be loud than have to nag them ONE. MORE. TIME. to be quiet.  My favorite move is still the stand-silently-until-they-figure-out-that-you're-waiting-for-them-and-then-they-fall-silent-move.  But it has reached the point where they waste a LOT of time before they finally quiet down.  I can be a hard ass but being mean is not in my outward nature.  So my plan is work.  And lots of it.  Quiet.  Focused.  Busy.  Work.  Not busy work (but sort of).  Not busy work in the sense that it doesn't matter or significantly contribute to their learning but the process of doing busy work helps teach them discipline - which they currently do not have.  Thanks to me.  I firmly believe my management will improve once I teach them how to be disciplined.  Or at least improve their lack of discipline...a little.  That way, those who want to do well can independently motivate themselves to do well and those that don't will earn the zeros.

Man I feel like I'm being brutal right now.  Where along the path to becoming a teacher were we taught that the students have to "like" being in class?  I am constantly torn between my desire to have them enjoy their time in school as a positive experience and my desire to have their time in school be a positive experience for ME.  I love my grade nines because they don't do any group work but the material is interesting enough that my personal enthusiasm can drive their independent work time.  Socials 10 not only are they really dumb, but I hate the material so my preparation is terrible so my enthusiasm sucks so I make them do nothing so now they run wild.  F.M.L.

I will make a vow to never write another blog post where I rant about my feelings UNLESS it is wildly humorous and well thought out.  The end.